There is a well known ghost story in Thailand that is as well known here as Dracula or Frankenstein’s monster is in the west. The difference is that in Thailand, it’s real.

The Ghost Story of Mae Nak – Background

The story of Mae Nak is a fantastical and horrifying folk tale that resonates on many different levels. It seems to have been around at least 200 years and is commonly believed to be based on real events that happened in the 1800s during the time of King Mongkut. However, it is more likely to predate this with reference to “the wars” which reached a hiatus in Northern Thailand, at the end of the 1700s.

Given the folk origins of the story it has probably been around in some form for as long as people have believed in ghosts and spirits; which in Thailand is a very long time indeed extending into modern life surprisingly and wonderfully unscathed.   

The story is deep and unnerving and has an ambiguity that holds an incredible tension throughout the story line. As in all enduring classic horror we empathise with the protagonist, the grotesque but misunderstood victim of circumstance. Unlike Dracula or Frankenstein’s monster the protagonist in this story is not a traditionally powerful figure but a normal young woman living a normal young woman’s life. We empathise with her and her struggle against adversity, the world, the establishment and mortality itself on an unusually deep level. It is this remarkable quality and deep resonance that elevates Mother Nak from an interesting folk tale to a symbolic figure of national importance. 

It’s a chilling tale of devotion, vulnerability, love and fear that systematically presses all the existential buttons in our individual and collective psychopathology; fear of death, isolation, meaninglessness versus order and freedom of choice.

If all that is not enough for you to seek out this master piece in all it’s forms or actually visit Mae Nak’s shrine it also presents a unique and powerful challenge to the enormously strong Thai patriarchy as well as established religion, which in itself is almost unheard of in Thailand.

The Ghost Story of Mae Nak   

The beautiful young Mae Nak (Mother Nak), who is expecting her first child, has to part from her husband Mak as he is called away to war. Whilst he is away she dies in childbirth along with the child. Her love however is so strong that when he returns from war she along with the baby are waiting for him. He is cast under a powerful spell. He of course doesn’t realise anything is wrong and when neighbours try to intervene they meet a grisly end. She terrorises the local community and goes to any length to protect her family from the intervention of reality.

Her husband eventually discovers the horrific truth; as she is cooking she drops a lime through the floorboards and in a touchingly human moment, she looks around scared of being found out and believing to be unobserved extends her ghostly arm through the wooden floor to pick it up.  Mak witnesses this and is terrified and flees to the safety of the local temple, Wat Mahabut, where she (after more terrorising) is imprisoned in an earthen pot by a Buddhist exorcist.

The pot is thrown into the adjacent canal, only to be discovered some time later by 2 fishermen who open the jar and unwittingly start the whole shenanigans again. Eventually she is killed (again) by a powerful monk who entombs her in her own earthly skull with his waistband (which in a bizarre but wonderful blending of fiction and reality typical of Thailand, has now passed into the hands of the royal family).

The Mae Nak Shrine

If you are in Bangkok you must go and visit the Mae Nak Shrine next to the temple Wat Mahabut in Bangkok. Although it is in a busy part of the city it has a surprisingly rural feel being surrounded by large trees and a canal. It must be one of the most interesting places in one of the most interesting countries in the world. It’s a 10 minute walk off the beaten tourist trail down the On Nut Road just off the On Nut Skytrain stop. Turn left along Soi 7, (which we missed and marched onwards towards the Burmese border) at the end of which you’ll find the temple, and down by the canal the incredible Mae Nak Shrine built on the site where it all went on.

The shrine is a site of tremendous importance for everyone in Thailand and is not usually a place where tourists are expected to turn up, although like everywhere in Thailand you will be welcomed with great warmth.

It is quite difficult for a sceptical westerner such as myself to really grasp the importance of such spiritual places. The nearest that I have come to, in terms of a spiritual education, is a few ghost stories on Halloween and some hymns and prayers in some draughty old church when I was in the Scouts. For the vast majority of Thai people the spiritual world is a vivid, colourful parallel universe as real and as part of everyday life as supermarkets, football and pop tarts.     

In the main building of the shrine there is a model of Mae Nak with deep black eyes, long black hair dressed in beautiful silk robes. The room is set up like a regular Thai house complete with TV, which I was told, is always on so that Mae Nak won’t get bored. The room is covered with gifts that a new mother and baby might like; very touchingly there are lots of baby clothes, children’s toys and many beautiful silk robes hanging in protective plastic covers around the side of the room for Mae Nak herself.

Outside the main shrine building there is a whole community of fortune tellers, silk robe sellers, lucky charm stalls and other shops, outlets and occupations connected to enhancing good luck and communicating with Mother Nak. There is also a booming and brisk trade in various aquatic animals, from fish to terrapins, to release in the canal which apparently will bring considerable good fortune (or so I was told as I purchased a catfish).

There is a constant stream of people arriving all day and night, young and old, rich and poor, by taxi, car and mini bus. There is an especially high proportion of young women and young pregnant women, making offerings, bringing gifts and talking to Mae Nak, asking for advice and good fortune. Whilst all this is going on several ladies are constantly creeping around Mae Nak’s living room/ shrine. They pass the offerings to her, bowing often, change the TV channels, dress her in new silk robes and very carefully arrange the baby toys so she can see them.

There is an air of deep reverence and respect in this bizarre scene, but also a sense of familiarity and understanding.

While we were there a well dressed young women arrived in a taxi. She helped us buy some offerings from one of the stalls and told us a little about her life. She was on her way to join her boyfriend in Hong Kong and planned to move in with him. Although they had been together along time they had never lived together before so she just wanted to come and see Mae Nak on her way to the airport.  

She bought a most fantastic gold silk dress for Mae Nak which I’m sure she would have liked, which I guess will ensure her wellbeing in Hong Kong for some time to come.

On leaving the temple I felt very fond of Mae Nak. The tragic figure in front of the TV seems to strike a universal chord in everybody. We walked past the main temple buildings, where, legend has it, she appeared upside down standing on the ceiling to terrified monks. We tried to find her footprints with little success which are apparently still there but we were in a hurry as it was starting to rain.

As we walked out of the temple grounds a taxi pulled up and about 6 young female nurses all jumped out, paid the driver and dashed over towards Mae Naks shrine covering their heads with their handbags. We got into their empty cab and headed off through the traffic. I was thinking of all of the hundreds of people that pop in to visit Mae Nak on a daily basis, and the hundreds of thousands that she watches over and felt very glad that I am now one of them. Next time I think I’ll buy a bigger catfish and get her a nice silk robe, oh and something for the baby.

 We hope you enjoy our Life Change Blog. If you are interested in living in Thailand, or any one of our special Change Holidays please feel free to Contact Us. We’re always happy to help.

Welcome to The Monday Morning Life Change Blog, keeping you up to date with ideas about change, motivational pyschology and living in Thailand.                                                                                                     

Travelling back from Hua Hin last week we stopped off in Bangkok for a few days. There’s several places that we wanted to see, one of which was Dusit Zoo, formerly the private royal water gardens given over for public use in 1935, and also the shrine to Mae Nak (mother Nak) the mother ghost. We decided to go to the zoo first.

It’s a good city zoo covering a surprisingly large area of about 30 acres. The magnificent central lakes and wonderful 1930s ornamental pavilions that King Rama V took his tea in are still as he left them and the whole place is overlooked by his huge turn of the century Romanesque throne palace just across the road. It could well have been the inspiration for Walt Disney’s theme parks had he ever travelled this way.

Although the landscaped gardens, architecture, baby elephants and huge water monitor lizards that roam free throughout the zoo are interesting enough perhaps the most curious thing about the zoo is the crocodile area. On approaching the large old croc reclining in his pool the first thing you notice is a huge sign on the glass enclosure that reads “please do not throw coins in the crocodiles mouth”. Now, I don’t know about you but never in my life can I recall a time when I thought to myself, ”if only I could throw a coin in a crocodiles mouth” or the mouth of any animal come to that.

It reminded me a bit of a change model that informs our counseling retreat and change holidays called Reactance Theory which is all about how we react when we can’t have or do something. It’s particularly pertinent in relationship counselling and health behaviour change. I immediately wondered what would happen if I did throw a coin at a crocodiles. I needn’t have wondered for long as along came a respectable looking family enjoying their day out. The children ran up to the enclosure and seemed to be asking their father for something; surely it couldn’t be coins. Did they not take heed of the sign? In a twinkle of an eye the father produced a big handful of small change and gave a coin each to his children who proceeded to throw the coins over the top of the glass enclosure onto the back of the crocodile. He didn’t seem to mind much, and must have been somewhat resigned to a life where it sporadically rains money.

Whether they were trying to get the coins into the mouth of the crocodile was difficult to tell but the excitable coin throwing was clearly a highlight for a lot of people. I watched while several more families did the same.

I’m still trying to work it all out, thinking about wishing wells, animal rights, Reactance Theory, superstition and the like but haven’t quite got there yet. If I ever get to the bottom of the mystery of the “crocodile and the coins” I’ll let you know.

Until next week when I’ll tell you the story of the ghost of the revered Mae Nak, along with ideas about how to change your life and what it’s like living in Thailand, goodbye and have a good week.

Alex.

The Puripunn hotel is perfect, and I met some really lovely people also on a change holiday.

The change therapy is a real eye opener, it was a real journey of self discovery for me. I have been able to examine my beliefs and values and discover new skills and techniques that will allow me to have a happier life. Thank you.

Claire from London stayed at Puripunn Hotel, Chiang Mai, Thailand.

Welcome to The Monday Morning Life Change Blog. We publish an article every Monday morning about Life, Change and Living in Thailand. We hope you enjoy them.

Not Changing in Hua Hin, Thailand

We’re coming to the end of our 2 week residency at Chiva Som Spa and Wellness Holiday Resort on the beautiful Gulf of Thailand where we’ve been offering Relationship Counselling, Change Therapy sessions and staff training in motivational psychology (which the reception staff decided to call “Change and be Happy Training” which I really quite like). On our days off we’ve also managed to swap our work clothes for our “holiday clothes” and join all the other holiday makers on the beach and sea front.

One thing that both residents and holiday makers alike really enjoy here are the fantastic sea food restaurants along the sea front. I love the steamed mussels with ginger, basil and lemon grass, and Tom Kha Gung (a fragrant coconut soup with lemon grass, chilli and big shrimps).

Changing Tack

Unfortunately, the walk down to the sea food restaurants is lined with tailor shops. I use the word “unfortunately”, not because I have developed an irrational fear of tailors, but their rather odd sales technique. They tend to huddle outside their shops and hustle and hassle passers by for business. Recently one chap accosted me and said “sir, why you not look in my shop” in a rather accusatory way. I was rather baffled as it hadn’t even occurred to me that I should look in his shop seeing as I wasn’t thinking of buying any hand made clothes. “I don’t know” I said in a rather lame apologetic way. He just looked at me rather pityingly.

Last night they “upped the anti” and while we were walking along looking forward to our coconut soup the young Indian tailor guy came up and fell in step by my side, took my arm in his hand and said warmly “Sir, how do you feel today”. I was really very baffled and wondered; a) why he was asking such a bizarre question, and b) how this would end up with me purchasing a handmade silk suit. I suppose he was hoping that I would say “actually, now you come to mention it I feel like buying a silk suit” and an effective sale would have been made. But, I didn’t, instead I tried to say something polite that would be neither rude nor dismissive or lead further along the surreal road of discussing my feelings and shirt sales.

Change Holidays and Change

It really reminded me of how unhelpful it feels to be nagged or pushed when you either don’t want to do something, or feel ambivalent about something. It relates to one of the models we use on our counseling retreat and change holidays, that recognizes that when we are undecided about change we actually need something to help us “make our mind up” rather than just being told what we should do.  It has become a phenomenon researched extensively over the past 20 years and is now very well established, first identified by researchers Prochaska and DiClemente who became well known with their creation of the Trans Theoretical Model of Change. Changes that last are changes that we really want to make rather than things we are told to do, especially when it comes to being hassled in the street by pushy tailors.

I’m really tempted to go back and offer the tailor guys some free training in behaviour change principles but fear that it would merely lead me further down the slippery slope of trying to explain both why I hadn’t looked in their shop yet and how I was feeling. Perhaps an email might be safer.

If you are interested in making changes in your life, how not to respond to tailors in Hua Hin or Change Holidays do just contact us through our contact page.

Bye for now, hope you enjoy our life change blogs, have a good week, Alex.

This past week we’ve been living and working in Hua Hin, at the International Health Resort, Chiva Som offering Change Therapy sessions and our Change Program. The resort itself is quite incredible, a testimony to an uncompromised vision of the best that Thailand’s Spa, Wellness and Health industry has to offer. The beach at the moment is at its best, miles of clean white sand, and when the tide is fully out a huge expanse of clear clean openness. It takes about 3 hours to walk the full length from the monkey temple on the rocky promontory at one end to the heavily guarded royal palace at the other.

Hua Hin itself is one of those places that you either love or hate. I love it. It’s a wonderful mix and has quite an unusual history. Until the 1920 with the arrival of the railway it was nothing more than a tiny sleepy fishing village, 3 hours south from Bangkok . The incredible beach was not lost on the royal architects who built a royal palace for the king as an escape from the hustle and bustle of city life. It soon became popular as a convenient weekend retreat from the capital city and many well off Thais and ex-pats decamp to one of the many high end beach front condos at weekends. There are several big high end international hotels here, including The Hilton, Intercontinental, the flagship Sofitel in the glorious old 1920 railway hotel, Marriot and the Grand Hyatt as well as hundreds of smaller guest houses, home stays, bars and restaurants.

It has a permanent holiday feeling to it all as though the millions of people that have holidayed here over the years have imparted their excitement and holiday spirit to the place itself.

What makes Hua HIn quite special though is that it has not lost it’s original identity as a living working fishing port. The fishing boats are still here as they have been for the past 100 years, dotted along the beach, looking like a deliberate back drop to a well crafted film.

The hundreds of little boats go out most nights fishing with small drop nets and powerful lights to attract tiny fish that are dried and used in great quantity in Thai cooking. They go out at about 6 o clock in the evening and come back early between 5 o clock and 6 o clock in the morning, one or two men on each boat. The bigger boats go out further, stay out longer and catch more. These are constantly coming and going, day and night from the fishing pier to the north of the town and make a wonderful sight from the beach front restaurants.

Despite all the change that has happened to little Hua Hin over the years, the hotels, the royal palace, the railway, airport, restaurants and not to mention the millions of holiday makers from Europe, India, Australia, Asia, Middle East and America there is still a fishing fleet, still a thriving permanent covered fresh market, still tumble down picturesque wooden beach houses in the shadows of imposing condos and hotels and there is still a feeling of a genuine welcome from the people that have worked hard to make what Hua Hin is today.

Will let you know next Monday how we get on during the next week here, and if I’m still so impressed with life down by the sea.

Bye for now, talk next week about life, change and what it’s like living in Thailand. Alex.

Change Therapy on the Road.

The drive down from Bangkok to Hua Hin on the Thailand peninsular really is amazing. The 3 hour journey passes through a country where change is absorbed with the grace and ease largely unfamiliar to us in the west. We’re working down in Chiva Som Health Resort, Hua Hin for the next couple of weeks offering Change Therapy; helping guests make changes as well as come to terms with change that has been thrust upon them.

Arriving at Bangkok airport is an event in itself. It’s big, cool, well designed, light and airy, and altogether modern. It’s the only airport that I’ve ever heard of where the only complaint is that it’s too big! The smiley officials keep things moving along at a jolly old trot and soon you’re out into the warm suburban Bangkok air. It’s a very bright, busy and shiny new Asia.

Driving south along the main highway, traffic is of course heavy, but unusually a wonderful odd mix of vehicles. There are top of the range Mercedes, BMWs, Jaguars and the like driven by well dressed young stock brokers on mobile phones rubbing bumpers with ancient Toyota pick up trucks, the colour long since faded and covered with years worth of dust and cheap stickers from the 7Eleven. Spluttering along the inside lane are a bizarre collection of hand made customized mopeds and side cars built in some small back yard from several bits of old motorbike and Aluminium sheeting. These are actually mobile shops and restaurants selling noodles, dried squid and fresh fruit.

The backdrop to all this is equally diverse; Tesco hypermarket, coffin shop , open air street market, top end housing estate, rice field, building site, chemical factory, small row of independent shops, until it all opens out into brilliant white salt flats. White sheets of salt tail off in every direction like a landscape from Star Wars. The road is now lined with endless salt stalls and the occasional little modest stall selling the very tasty but very bony estuary fish. The most exotic sight to my Essex eyes are the huge Storks and Cranes that wheel slowly about the skies preying on easy pickings from the fast evaporating salt water.

Eventually this gives way to open countryside of bright green rice fields, Palm trees, glittering golden temples and outcrops of rock and distant mountains that remind me of all the James Bond films ever made in the 1970s. The traffic has thinned right out and we can zoom along in the middle lane.

Perhaps the most unusual sight along this stretch of road that leads into the beach resort of Hua Hin is the Spirit House supermarkets (you certainly don’t get them in Essex). Large plots on the side of the road dedicated to the sale of the tiny raised ornamental “dolls house” type structures that adorn all houses, shops and plots of land in Thailand. This is where the spirits live, and if you want good luck you better buy them a big shiny house that glitters in the sun and make them offerings of sweets and Pepsi Cola every morning. These places also do a pretty good side line trade in huge lucky cement cast animals, cockerels 15 feet high, life sized elephants and half size giraffes always seem popular and make for an arresting image at the side of the road.

Hua Hin looms into sight and I’m reminded of work and of things about change and of what a diverse and changing place Thailand is. It suddenly seems the most sensible place to be working with people where change is at the very centre of the menu. 

Until next week, hope you enjoy our life change blog articles, and do keep in touch.

Alex.

Welcome to The Monday Morning Life Change Blog. Over the past 20 years we have amassed a huge amount of experience and knowledge about “Life Change”. We publish a Life Change Blog article every Monday morning about change, life and living in Thailand.

I was sitting in our office at about 10.15pm on Saturday night gazing idly out of the window when I should have been finishing off some work, when through the trees, just over the roof tops opposite, I saw a brilliant white sparkling light in the sky, like a huge cluster of children’s sparklers. At first I thought it was a plane ablaze coming to the Chiang Mai airfield from an odd direction, low over the mountains. From where I was standing it was moving horizontally from south to north, at a fast,steady speed and appeared to just brush over the top of Suthep mountain. As it travelled through the sky it was breaking up, throwing off smaller balls of brilliant sparkling light that travelled a short distance before burning out.

With the stealth of an elderly cougar with a bad back, I raced out into the garden to see it zoom behind the roof tops of some houses. It was still leaving quite a trail of sparkling white light when it finally disappeared into the distance towards some dark remote part of the northern Thai mountains and the Burmese border.

In the hot dark tropical night, the air still and silent, it was an amazing sight. It felt important, as though I should do something or go and tell somebody.

As I walked back inside I remembered a similar moment of awe standing in front of a museum display cabinet housing  what looked like a large black stone the size of a baby’s fist. On reading the accompanying information sheet it turned out I was looking at not only a real meteorite but the oldest recorded object on earth; older in fact than the earth itself. I tried, and failed, to imagine the huge expanse of time the little black stone represented, formed in a far off galaxy before planet Earth was even created. I felt that special moment of awe that I felt last night. I felt that I should do something or tell somebody. I stood in front of the display cabinet transfixed.I tried explaining to my 3 year old son who was sitting on my shoulders, but he remained unimpressed and stuck his thumb in my eye to shut me up.

I thought about all this last night and realized that incredible moments happen all around us, all the time, and it’s just a matter of luck whether we bother to read the accompanying information sheet or idly gaze out of the window instead of finishing off work.

Having thought about this I intend to spend far less time working and far more time gazing idly out of the window into the wilderness. 

If you would like to experience some incredible moments, and enjoy an unusual tailor made holiday in Thailand, have a quick look at our small selection of special Change Holidays.

Talk to you next week about life, change and living in Thailand.

Alex

Before I said goodbye I offered to write a proper testimonial or do something, it’s just such a great idea, and such lovely people, they really know what they’re doing. Can’t praise it enough. Thank you.

Alice stayed at Puripunn Hotel.

Welcome to The Monday Morning Life Change Blog. Over the past 20 years we have amassed a huge amount of experience and knowledge about “Life Change”. We publish a Life Change Blog article every Monday morning about change, life and living in Thailand.

Changing and Accepting in Thailand

We had a fantastic electrical storm blow in over Suthep mountain last week. For two days it got hotter and hotter and the little themometer on the kitchen wall pushed the high thirties. Then suddenly on Wednesday evening the heavens arranged a huge free light and sound display. There was some rain but it was upstaged by the incredible high winds and the thunder and lightening. It was a real show stopper and incredibly exciting. Power flickered on and off, children squeaked and grown ups battened down the hatches. 

The following morning all was blue skies and smiles again as though nothing had happened. The only tell tale signs were a  few fences down in our village, some flags and banners blown down in the temple gardens and a tree across the main road.

Back in the UK this would have warranted some considerable action; a fallen tree blocking one of a two lane busy dual carriageway would be a hive of activity. There would be fire engines, chainsaws, police organising unhelpful traffic flow systems and lots of stressed commuting workers on mobile phones late for the office. Not so in Thailand.

Quite wonderfully the fallen tree was ignored. In the absence of police or any intervening party cars slowed, queued and squeezed through the gap between branches and curb, one at a time. Motorbikes and mopeds pragmatically bumped up on the pavement and zoomed around the other way. There was no panic or urgency. There was no fuss or drama and no sense that “something should be done”.  

It reminded me of something that Karina Stewart, the co founder of the award winning Kamalaya Spa Resort said to me recently. She said ”in the West the emphasis is always on change where as in the East it is far more about acceptance”. It was certainly in evidence on the Chaing Mai ring road last Thursday morning.

It is an astute and important observation. 

Being able to understand the difference between what we can change and what we have to accept and learn ways to cope with is central to all good therapeutic programs. If there is no awareness of this dynamic we are fighting a losing battle and wasting our time and probably feeling rather hopeless in the process. The real issue then is working out what we can change and learning how to accept what we can’t, and that is something we have been helping people do consistently over the past 20 years.

Find out more about our Change Holidays.

Have a good week. Talk to you next Monday about change, life and living in Thailand.

Alex.

Welcome to The Monday Morning Life Change Blog. Over the past 20 years we have amassed a huge amount of experience and knowledge about Life Change. We publish a Life Change Blog article every Monday morning about change, life and living in Thailand.

How To Be Happy-Counseling Retreat Secrets

I once attended a grand opening of a counseling retreat centre in England. Strangely one of the people that had been invited to talk at the ribbon cutting ceremony was a local self made millionaire. He was an interesting “ordinary” bloke that had started off his working life with a modest market stall.  He was so good at selling things that over the years his empire grew steadily. He worked his way up to running what is now a formidable import business supplying some of the biggest stores in the UK.

He came up to the microphone looking very normal indeed and made a few light hearted forgettable jokes. He then said he would like to give the only piece of advice he knew that was worth passing on. He explained that he had never been any good at school, had no qualifications, had never read a book and didn’t really know much about the world. We were all waiting to hear what he was going to say. To a hushed audience he simply said “don’t do anything you don’t want to”. And that was it. After an awkward silence some people spontaneously fired some questions at him . He was provoked into saying just a bit more ”stick to what you know and what keeps you happy and keep doing it”. Certainly easier said than done, but in his case it evidently worked a treat.

Happiness in Thailand

I have been reminded of this simple idea many times since and was reminded of it again this week when queuing up in my local market. My local market is the best market in the world. It sells some of the best things I have ever eaten anywhere (and I’ve eaten alot of things everywhere). One of the best things it sells is a type of Northern Thai sausage called “Say Oowa”. If you have been unlucky enough to never have tried this delicacy it’s a meaty pork sausage flavoured with lemon grass, garlic and chilli. Although it is sold throughout the market on different grill stalls everybody goes to the same one for their sausage.The stall doesn’t sell anything else except their own brand of sausage.

People come from all over the city to this one stall to buy it and its popularity seems to be growing. They have recently invested in some little labels to put on the side of their plastic bags with a logo and telephone number. Our good friend Son told me last week that they have secured a business license for their particular recipe which means that they can’t be copied (apparently). The owner of the stall is a happy man. Confident, and a master of what he knows; sausage.

When I was queuing up I had a vision of him several years from now, looking “normal”, walking up to a microphone at a ribbon cutting ceremony, making a few light hearted forgettable jokes, explaining he hadn’t had much of an education and saying he would only like to pass on one thing……….

I wonder if he will.

Bye for now. Talk next week about life, change and living in Thailand.

Read more….Change Holidays