There are a few ingredients that are essential for successful relationship counselling. If they are missing it’s like trying to make a cake without flour and eggs, all you are left with is some marzipan and icing sugar and nothing in the middle. And, as they say, marzipan doth not a marriage make.
So here are the magic ingredients to making your relationship work again:
Both of you need to be committed to making your relationship work. If you both want to make things better you are already on your way to saving your marriage. It doesn’t matter how bad things have got, how many secret affairs and broken promises lay scattered over the years, like cheap plastic broken toys in a third world kindergarten. If you both want to make things better, if you both want to get your relationship back on track, that is enough. That is your starting point.
If you are unsure about this initial commitment, (and by the way, it’s good to be honest with yourself about this) and you need to make your mind up, get hold of a good counsellor and work it out. Talk the whole thing through, until you get to a clear answer in your own mind. Do you, or don’t you want this relationship to work, yes, or no.
You simply have to take responsibility for yourself. It is not enough to just blame everything on the other person. Relationship counselling is largely about beginning the process of taking back responsibility rather than just blaming the other person. It’s time to hold your hands up and acknowledge the things that you have done wrong and begin to put them right.
It’s not good enough to claim that you had an affair because you were “pushed into it” by an uncaring partner. Take responsibility and own the things that you have done wrong and could do better.
If all you are doing is blaming (and shouting at) the pother person, no amount of counselling or relationship coaching will work. You have to begin turning things around and look at yourself.
Yes, the “C” word. A marriage is a partnership, and I can’t think of any great partnership that doesn’t have some measure of compromise. Do you know any relationship, or partnership that doesn’t have a little bit of give and take? I really don’t know of any, yet it amazes me how stuck and immovable people get when they enter a relationship, as though it’s a matter of honour not to give in, and to give any ground.
Now for the two big secrets; life ain’t perfect and you can’t have everything.
So what if your partner doesn’t share your interest in football, or bird-watching or whatever. It doesn’t have to be a big problem unless you make it a big problem. You can be flexible, it wont kill you, and may just save your marriage.
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Thanks for reading.